Suffocating Love
In recent years, perspectives on gender equality and domestic violence prevention have increasingly converged worldwide. Whether through declarations issued by United Nations agencies or advocacy movements spontaneously organized by civil society groups, governments across the globe have been compelled to prioritize reforms in gender education and initiate legislative measures aimed at protecting women from violence.
Despite these efforts, even in countries strongly advocating for gender equality and domestic violence prevention, tragic incidents involving abusive partners continue to occur—sometimes alarmingly close to our own lives.
As generations evolve, society has developed increasingly diverse understandings and forms of romantic relationships. With the prevalence of dating apps and casual relationships becoming commonplace, various relationship dynamics have emerged—be it married or unmarried, cohabiting or living separately, students or working professionals, online or long-distance relationships, open or committed relationships, same-sex or heterosexual partnerships.
Consequently, the patterns of intimate partner violence have diversified as well, giving rise to new forms of criminal behavior, such as online harassment and digital sexual crimes.
Intimate partner violence has become pervasive, lurking in various forms within the hidden corners of society, as well as embedded in our everyday lives.
How can we free ourselves from its chains?
When did love become distorted,
The issue of abusive partners continues to spread like wildfire across the globe. Taking Taiwan as an example, the recent incident involving legislator Kao Chia-yu, who was subjected to domestic violence, dominated major news headlines and clearly demonstrated the severity and far-reaching impacts of such cases.
Not to mention the numerous shocking crimes of passion that have rocked the nation; extensive media coverage of these cases has triggered significant collective anxiety. Thus, addressing and preventing abusive partner violence is now more urgent than ever.
Psychologists and scholars, both domestically and internationally, have begun conducting in-depth analyses and research into cases involving abusive partners, aiming to understand the underlying causes and contexts behind such incidents.
From a broader perspective, the issue of abusive partners can no longer be addressed solely through punishing individual cases—it requires a structural, society-wide approach. Framing the problem through simplistic labels such as perpetrator, victim, or even binary gender classifications only deepens societal division and animosity, rather than truly healing the harm caused.
To truly eradicate this social issue, it requires a collective effort from governments, legislative bodies, law enforcement agencies, and the academic community. Only through cross-sector collaboration—addressing the problem from educational, legal, and law enforcement perspectives—can we effectively combat violence, prevent the escalation of abusive partner-related harm, and safeguard social safety and justice.
What is codependency?
Codependency is not a disease, but rather a pattern of behaviors.
Typical symptoms of codependency:
“Being affected by another person’s behavior and obsessed with controlling that behavior.”
— Melody Beattie
Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself
The behavior of abusive partners often exhibits signs of codependency. There is a notable connection between the two, as both involve unhealthy patterns in interpersonal relationships. However, codependency is not limited to abusive dynamics—yet control and obsession are undeniably key elements that often contribute to the formation of violent or toxic intimate relationships.
Because abusive partners often exert control and threats over their victims, the victims may develop a strong psychological dependence on them—falling into the illusion that they cannot live independently or that they need their abuser's protection.
On the other hand, in trying to meet the demands and expectations of the abusive partner, victims may begin to ignore or suppress their own emotions and needs. This can lead to a state of codependency, trapping them in a toxic and self-destructive cycle that becomes increasingly difficult to escape.
While these behaviors are indeed signs of codependency, they represent only a part of the bigger picture.
The issue lies not in what we do, but why we do it.
Codependency may indirectly contribute to the formation of abusive relationships, or serve as a potential indicator of toxic dynamics.
However, at their core, codependency and intimate partner violence are fundamentally different issues—and should not be conflated or treated as one and the same.
What Is Intimate Partner Violence?
Intimate partner violence (IPV) is abuse or aggression that occurs in a romantic relationship. An intimate partner includes both current and former spouses or dating partners. IPV can vary in frequency and severity, ranging from isolated incidents to ongoing patterns of abuse.
In Taiwan, the violence caused by abusive partners is a serious and pressing issue. When one person inflicts harm on another—whether physically or psychologically—it results in deep and lasting damage. Beyond the personal consequences, such violent behavior also poses a broader threat to public safety and social order, potentially fueling further criminal acts.
IPV is intricately and causally linked to other serious outcomes, including violent crimes, suicides, crimes of passion, and psychological trauma. The following section outlines the complex interconnections between these issues.
The Link Between Intimate Partner Violence and Violent Acts:
Intimate partner violence is one of the leading risk factors for violent incidents. Within romantic relationships, such violence can result in both physical and psychological trauma—and may escalate into other forms of violent behavior beyond the relationship itself.
The Many Dimensions of Abuse Relationship
A Closer Look at How Toxic Relationships
Shape Lives and Statistics
Abuse in intimate relationships is not limited to physical harm—it cuts across emotional well-being, public safety, and social stability. In Taiwan, abusive partners remain a deeply rooted and pressing issue, often going unnoticed until irreversible damage has been done. Victims are left with physical injuries, emotional trauma, or both—frequently suffering in silence and isolation.
According to the World Health Organization (WHO), one in three women worldwide—nearly 700 million individuals—have experienced violence in their lifetime. Even more concerning, the number of young women subjected to intimate partner abuse is steadily on the rise, signaling a growing crisis that demands urgent public attention.
1. Violent incidents
According to the United Nations World Health Organization,
intimate partner violence refers to behavior within a current or former marriage, cohabiting relationship, or long-term dating partnership that exerts control over women—both adult and adolescent—in sexual, psychological, or physical forms.
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Physical violence
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Sexual violence
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Emotional or psychological abuse
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Coercive control
Under UN guidelines, all of the above forms of abuse are classified as acts of intimate partner violence and are recognized as significant threats to the safety and autonomy of individuals in romantic relationships.
One-third of the world’s women (approximately 736 million people)
Ｈave experienced physical and sexual violence.
New reports reveal that many women are abused at an early age, often during their teenage years or even as young children.
Many women experience violence as teenagers or even as young children.
One in four women aged 15-24 has already experienced intimate partner violence by the age of 25.
世界衛生組織（WHO）女性受暴傷害統計WHO Global Statistics on Violence Against Women
According to the largest global study ever conducted on violence against women, released by the World Health Organization (WHO), one in four women worldwide has experienced domestic violence or sexual assault by a husband or male partner.
When expanded to include all acts of violence committed by men, the proportion rises to one in three women—amounting to an estimated 736 million to 852 million individuals. Notably, this figure does not include cases of cyberbullying or sexual harassment, which suggests the real number may be even higher.
This comprehensive report consolidates data from 161 countries, collected between 2000 and 2018. The definition of "perpetrator" includes not only strangers or inappropriate acquaintances but also intimate partners.
Crucially, intimate partner violence accounts for the largest share of violence against women globally.
An estimated 641 million women reported experiencing this form of abuse, while another 6% said they had been assaulted by someone other than a spouse or partner.
Regional Disparities in Violence Against Women
The WHO report also reveals stark regional differences in the prevalence of intimate partner violence.
Women living in low- and middle-income countries, particularly in South Asia and parts of Africa, are at significantly higher risk. In these regions, as many as 37% of women reported experiencing physical and/or sexual violence from a current or former intimate partner.
In contrast, prevalence rates are lower in other parts of the world:
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Europe: 16% to 23%
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East Asia: 20%
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Central Asia: 18%
These figures reflect broader inequalities in social protection, legal enforcement, and access to resources—factors that can greatly influence a woman's ability to escape or report abusive situations.
A Prison Within the Pandemic: Domestic Violence Under Lockdown
During the COVID-19 lockdowns, the United Nations projected that an additional 15 million people could become victims of domestic violence.
Since the outbreak began, a growing body of data and reports has pointed to a devastating rise in violence against women and girls—particularly in domestic settings. Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka, former UN Deputy Secretary-General and Executive Director of UN Women, described this crisis as a “shadow pandemic.”
Violence against women has emerged as a global public health emergency, spreading with the reach and devastation of an actual outbreak. Yet the full scale of this crisis may remain hidden. Many survivors, driven by fear or shame, choose not to report incidents of sexual or domestic violence—meaning the real numbers are likely far higher than those reflected in official statistics.
“Violence against women is one of the most widespread, persistent, and devastating human rights violations in our world today.”
Former UN Deputy Secretary-General and Executive Director of UN Women
Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka
WHO Director-General Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus has emphasized that violence against women transcends borders and cultures—and has only worsened amid the global COVID-19 pandemic. He called for collective action across governments, communities, and individuals to create more opportunities, support systems, and safeguards. Only through such shared responsibility can societies move toward healthier gender dynamics and a more resilient social safety net.
“Violence against women is pervasive in every country and culture, causing harm to millions of women and their families. The COVID-19 pandemic has only made the situation worse.”
Director-General, World Health Organization (WHO)
Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus
When Home Is No Longer a Safe Haven
The home—once considered a sanctuary—has become the most dangerous place for many women.
According to a report by the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime (UNODC), an average of 137 women are killed every day by a partner or family member somewhere in the world.
In 2017 alone, 87,000 women were killed globally, and over half of them died at the hands of someone they knew intimately. Roughly 30,000 women were murdered by their husbands or boyfriends.
What was meant to be a loving home becomes a place of terror.
The person lying next to you in bed may one day become your killer.
When your partner turns into your predator—can you escape? Can you ever make it back home safely again?
In Taiwan, more than 10,000 sexual assault cases are reported each year.
However, the actual number is likely much higher, as a significant portion of sexual violence remains unreported and hidden—silenced by fear, shame, and social stigma.
As a result, countless survivors are left to endure the physical and psychological trauma without ever being heard, let alone rescued.
Sexual Violence Often Goes Unreported
According to data compiled by the Modern Women's Foundation, more than 90% of sexual violence cases go unreported in most countries.
A report by Statistics Canada sheds light on the reasons behind victims’ reluctance to contact the police. Common factors include:
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Feelings of shame, or fear of bringing disgrace to their families
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The belief that no one would believe them
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A sense that the perpetrator would not be punished
These barriers not only prevent justice from being served, but also leave survivors without the support and protection they urgently need.
There is a strong correlation between serious violence and sexual assault within intimate relationships, as both are deeply rooted in issues of power and control.
In many cases, victims are emotionally, financially, or physically dependent on their abuser, which allows the perpetrator to exert control more easily and commit acts of violence or coercion with little resistance. This imbalance reinforces the cycle of abuse and makes it even harder for survivors to break free.
The trauma caused by sexual assault can emerge immediately after the incident—or remain dormant for years before surfacing. This trauma goes beyond physical and psychological pain; it often disrupts the survivor’s daily life, relationships, and ability to engage with society.
When these layers of distress compound over time, survivors may struggle to clearly express their needs or ask for help. As a result, those around them may misunderstand or dismiss their behavior, leading to further stigma, doubt, and isolation.
The path to recovery often feels like an endless loop, trapping survivors in a cycle of pain and confusion.
It takes time, consistent support, and understanding to gradually emerge from the shadows and begin to heal..
2. Suicide incidents
Ministry of Health and Welfare – Suicide Statistics
According to data from the Taipei City Department of Health, approximately 20 adolescents in Taipei die by suicide each year, with 74% of these cases linked to romantic or interpersonal issues. The research also shows that nearly half of young people facing emotional difficulties tend not to seek help from others.
Worryingly, the adolescent suicide rate continues to rise annually. A study by the Taipei Suicide Prevention Center found that, on average, nearly two teenagers lose their lives to suicide every month in the city. More than 40 young individuals per year attempt to end their lives due to overwhelming life pressures.
Leading Causes of Suicide Among Youth
According to an analysis by the Taipei City Department of Health, the top three causes of suicide among adolescents are:
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Emotional and Interpersonal Relationships
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Mental Health and Substance Abuse
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Work and Financial Stress
Among these, emotional and interpersonal issues are the most prevalent. This category includes not only romantic relationship struggles, but also depression, mental illness, and emotional distress—underscoring the complex and deeply personal nature of youth suicides.
If only we had recognized how much pain they were in—
could this tragedy have been prevented?
A Real Case from Taiwan: The “Red String” Tragedy in Yilan
In a deeply disturbing case from Jiaoxi, Yilan, four teenagers allegedly attempted a group suicide in what has become known as the “Red String Incident.” Driven by the emotional turmoil of a love triangle, the teens reportedly tied red strings to one another before consuming poison in a suicide pact.
Tragically, two of them died, while the other two were hospitalized for severe poisoning. Among the survivors was a 15-year-old girl who was two months pregnant and remained under intensive care.
Police discovered multiple handwritten notes at the scene, all referencing overwhelming emotional pain and relationship struggles as the primary motivation behind the act.
In recent years, Taiwan has witnessed a series of high-profile intimate partner homicides—yet many of these cases have failed to receive the public attention and systemic response they warrant.
In addition to Taiwan, there are many victims worldwide who need help.This is not unique to Taiwan; there are many victims all over the world.
Global Cases of Intimate Partner Homicide
In the UK, a young woman was brutally murdered by her ex-boyfriend after she posted a photo with her new partner on Facebook. Consumed by jealousy, the ex-boyfriend booked a flight to the UK, went to her home, and stabbed her to death.
In another chilling case from Russia, a 23-year-old newlywed woman was killed by her husband over a seemingly trivial dispute—she had forgotten to charge his phone. The man murdered her and dumped her body, highlighting how seemingly minor triggers can mask deep-seated control and violence within intimate relationships.
Crimes of passion often involve extreme violence and deeply destructive behavior, leaving lasting emotional scars not only on victims, but on survivors as well.
Those who survive such incidents may suffer from severe psychological trauma, including intense fear, anxiety, depression, insomnia, grief, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The impact can be long-term, altering their ability to feel safe, trust others, or return to a sense of normalcy.
4. Psychological Trauma
Modern Women’s Foundation – Patterns of Psychological Abuse
More than 70% of victims of intimate partner violence have reported being stalked by their abuser.
Common stalking tactics include:
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Harassment through digital communication
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Physical surveillance and following
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Breaking into the victim’s property or causing damage
Stalking is not a trivial matter—it is a serious criminal offense that disrupts daily life and forces victims to live in constant fear of being harmed.
Among those who experienced stalking:
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60% sought help from others
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50% filed police reports or legal complaints
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48% changed their phone number or moved house in an attempt to escape the perpetrator
These figures reveal how stalking not only violates privacy, but also exerts a sustained psychological toll on its victims.
Being stalked is a serious violation of personal privacy and safety, and it can lead to long-term psychological distress and trauma for victims.
Those who are stalked often feel that their safety is constantly under threat, resulting in heightened anxiety, fear, and a persistent sense of vulnerability. Many experience depression, insomnia, and in some cases, withdraw from social interaction altogether—not because they don’t want support, but because they fear the stigma or exposure that might come with speaking out.
Love is an essential part of life—but when a relationship ends or breaks down, it can leave deep emotional wounds.
While some people are able to move on quickly, others may struggle to recover and develop symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as a result of the emotional pain.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder After Heartbreak
Emotional trauma from failed or broken relationships can lead to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)—a condition that may significantly affect how a person engages in future emotional or romantic connections.
Some common PTSD-related challenges in relationships include:
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Difficulty trusting others
PTSD may cause heightened suspicion or emotional guardedness, making it hard to build trust and form meaningful connections. -
Avoidance of emotional intimacy
Fear of being hurt again may lead individuals to withdraw from relationships entirely, resulting in isolation and loneliness. -
Emotional numbness
Survivors may struggle to express emotions or show affection, which can hinder the development of healthy, empathetic bonds. -
Emotional outbursts
PTSD can lead to sudden, intense emotional reactions, making it difficult to regulate feelings and behavior—potentially straining or damaging relationships. -
Difficulty coping with stress
Challenges in managing pressure or conflict can undermine the stability and longevity of romantic relationships.
Understanding these symptoms is key to supporting survivors and fostering healthier emotional recovery in the aftermath of trauma.
For survivors, early recognition and understanding of PTSD symptoms and coping strategies is crucial to the healing process.
At the same time, it's essential for society at large to pay greater attention to emotional trauma and offer compassionate, accessible support. By strengthening awareness, mental health resources, and emotional education, we can ensure that those in need receive the care and treatment they deserve.
When it comes to addressing the issue of abusive partners, there are still significant gaps in our current systems of education, prevention, and protection.
We urgently need more resources and collective effort to raise public awareness, improve understanding of the issue, and provide comprehensive support for survivors. At the same time, it is critical to strengthen relevant laws and enforcement mechanisms, ensuring that perpetrators are held accountable and that the risk they pose to victims is reduced.
Let us work together to build a safer, more just society—one that protects the rights and dignity of every individual.
There are many forms of abusive partners, but most share common traits: a strong need for control, a sense of dominance, and a pattern of inflicting physical, emotional, or financial abuse on their victims.
Survivors may face bodily harm, deep psychological trauma, and economic loss—and in the most severe cases, even life-threatening danger.
Abusive behavior must be firmly condemned and stopped. Perpetrators must be held legally accountable, while survivors deserve comprehensive support and protection to help them heal and rebuild their lives with safety and dignity.